Online D&D with ruralair

Lightly hooded figure in store: "Hello, I'd like to buy this deck of illusions."
Storekeeper: "Good choice my halfling friend! Those cards can save your hide many a time. "Unfortunately that's my last one, so that will be 750 platinum. I doubt you can afford such a valuable magical item."
HF: "Don't worry, I'll just say I've recently came into some riches... Let's just keep this between the two of us."
Storekeeper: *Crafty grin.* "Of course sir. Would you mind paying a little more for my silence?"
HF: "Not at all. Here's 800 platinum."
Storekeeper: "Whoa! Pleasure doing business with you sir."
HF: "Same to you." *Winks, then leaves store, slipping purchase into pocket of cloak.*

~~five minutes later~~
*Elf walks in*
Storekeeper: "Oh, hello! Interested in anything you see? I sell assorted magic items."
Elf: "Yes actually, is that a frost brand?"
Storekeeper: "Good eye my fine sir! That was from the horde of the late frost giant, Blaethron. His slaves forged it for him, but he never knew they created it to bring about his downfall."
Elf: "I'll take it."
Storekeeper: "Sure, it's quite expensive though."
Elf: Not a problem. "I'm in a band of adventurers that just slew a dragon. That stinky old creature had a fortune sitting under his bum." *Pays and leaves the store, whistling.*

~~another five minutes later~~
*Well dressed man walks in* "Oh, a magic shop! How quaint."
Shopkeeper: *notices fancy clothes and jewelry the man is wearing.* "Thank you! May I interest you in one my many fine magical rings?"
Noble: "But of course, I was actually looking to replace these foolish nonmagic ones. I like that one, this one, and ooh, what does that one do?"
Shopkeeper: "That's a ring of protection. While wearing it, you will be harder to attack. Would you like to buy it?"
Noble: "Of course! Actually, I'll buy your entire stock of rings and pick my favorites when I get home."
Shopkeeper: "Oh my, that will be-"
Noble: "I'd also like all those weapons and armor out in my servant's cart in five minutes. Bring the wands too while you're at it."
Shopkeeper: "B-but"
Noble: *Gestures to servant who walks in, carrying a sack. Servant drops sack and exquisite gemstones and many, many, many platinum coins spill out.* "Chop chop! Keep the change my good man."
Shopkeeper: "U-u-uh, okay. Sure!" *turns and yells frantically at shop hands to load the cart before this fool can change his mind.*
Noble: "Pleasure doing business with you. I'll make sure to leave a good rating. Ta-ta!"
Shopkeeper: *In shock watching cart recede with noble riding ahead of it.*

~~Party meeting in different town several hours later~~
Elf ranger: "Whoa! You sure hit the jackpot this time!"
Half Orc paladin: "And that fat pig deserved it. He's been stealing from the king for decades. Why did you take it so far though, friend?"
Gnome wizard: "Oh, you know me, I can't resist pulling off the heist of the century. Now, I need to hit the sack. I can't cast any more shapechanges until tomorrow." *casts creation, creating temporary matter in the form of his choosing, in this case a bed. Objects made by the creation spell disappear after a set amount of time depending on their material. max 24hrs.*
Tiefling bard: "I'm not sure whether to write a heroic song about you or a fable about the thief who went too far. Maybe both."

Adventures with rur as he shops for a nintendo switch while on vacation.
~~
Me: *searching internet* There's one forty five minutes away for $300.
Grandpa: Let's go pick it up then! Just get your mask and we'll go.
Me: About that... mom said she didn't care what my mask looked like.
Grandpa: *Is amazing and has no objection with me walking into a store in a shady looking full ninja head covering.*
~an hour later after we get stuck in traffic~
Me: Hello sir, where are the nintendo consoles?
Store guy: We haven't had any since ten hours ago. They usually sell out within the first hour of being put on the shelves.
Me: Their website has had this item up as in store for three weeks straight.
Store guy: We don't allow pickup orders but you can to call our store number at 8am to see if we get any shipped in.
~~
I didn't bring my Bo 200 miles to let it sit in a corner and gather dust.

Nerfshooter101 , it's amazing, the opportunities of modern conveniences.
The twelve pack is 5% off btw. I know we only wanted 10 but it can't hurt...

hypixel?-

Me checking enjin notifications after three days of inactivity:

Mach 2.2 is the fastest foot speed attainable in dnd 5e.

Fireball is the 42nd spell.
(Don't watch the other ones if you want to avoid language.)

Erm, I just figured out the actual fastest possible vanilla D&D speed...
No spoilers but it's freaking awesome. I will post it tomorrow.

Gandalf:
*Is super cool and sometimes sneaky*
*Has very smart horse friend that he rides bareback.*
*Summons eagles to solve problems.*

Solwind:
*Is super cool and sneaky*
*Has very smart horse friend that he rides bareback.*
*Summons wolves to solve problems.*

Back to school yesterday. Wohoo.

Ok also story time with ruralair's dnd characters.

~~

I created a Dwarf cleric with the life domain. I wanted to play a healer/tank class and figured this was the best option. Now, you know me, and no character build I create for an online game with strangers is going to be properly balanced, but I won't spoil things.
We started at level three. I multiclassed into a cleric 1/ranger 2 because it made sense for the character's story, but I plan to put all further levels into cleric.
Session 1, there's a large band of Goblins, Bugbears, and a couple Orcs attacking the village we start in. The party is clearly overmatched for DPS but the drunk barbarian decides that he wants to fight anyway. Yay.
Four rounds later the party is at about half HP and moralle is low. I wonder why? It couldn't be the fact that we're in an unbeatable battle and it looks like everyone dies at session 1. Thanks mr. barbarian, you really add some teamwork to this story.
Gardain, my cleric, hasn't cast any spells yet and walks forward.
"Fall back to the tavern and block the doors. I need a little time."
Party agrees that at this point, they're willing to follow the advice of the previously meek Dwarf, and falls back to the tavern. Gardain prays to his deity and in a flash of divine light, ten berries appear in his hand. He repeats this until there are thirty berries. "Eat these, now." He hands three to the nearby fighter. The fighter looks skeptically at the little berries but swallows them. Fighter heals for 12 HP and is almost at max. "What the heck, I didn't know goodberries were so powerful." says one of the players out of character.
At this point, I have to explain what just happened. At second level, the ranger class gains access to the goodberry spell. The spell summons ten magic berries in your hand that each heal 1 hp and provide sustenance for one day. Insert LotR way-bread memes here.
"Okay, so he has three spell slots, that's 30 berries. You said a berry heals for 1 HP, the fighter should have healed for three." says the DM. The silly troglodyte has no idea.
Well no, because live domain clerics have a trait at level one. Blessed healer makes it so that when you cast a healing spell, it heals an additional two HP plus HP equal to the spell's level. Thing is, each goodberry counts as an individual healing spell for these purposes which means that each berry heals an additional three HP. One casting of this spell heals forty freaking hit points. To give some contrast, this is a level one healing spell and it heals about eight times the average amount that cure wounds does.
Needless to say, we won the fight. Everyone got a level, and at level four the number of spell slots for a cleric/ranger multiclass doubles. Gardain can now heal two hundred and sixty hit points in one minute.

D&D stereotypes.

• Murder-hobo: Kill everything, if an NPC tries to give you consequences for killing things, kill them too.
  
• The barbarian: Runs around with a big weapon and hits stuff with it. Violence and intimidation first, ask questions later.
  
• The loner: Usually a rogue or ranger. Always running off alone and splitting the party. Usually gets the stink eye fro other party members a lot.
  
• The thief: If it moves, steal something that belongs to it. If it doesn't move, steal it. Make as many enemies as possible by taking things from them. Sneaky.
  
• The batman: Loves the dark, ninja type. Has tragic dark backstory that they refuse to tell anyone. Broods in the corner all the time.
  
• The reckless: Tries to do superhuman tasks knowing full well that they only have a 1 in 8000 chance of success. Dabs on the lesser beings when the dice finally give favor to their triple backflip wal jump 500 feet descending critical hit carried into a parkour roll thereby preventing fall damage and bowling over a group of several other enemies.
  
• The homebrew god moder: Convinces DM to allow them to bring in a custom character with magic items/traits that aren't normally available in D&D. Abuses the heck out of said special perks but argues that it's perfectly balanced.
  
• The rule abusing god moder: Spends two hundred hours memorizing all the books and rule combinations, then absolutely ruins the game for everyone else by creating a character so obscenely powerful they could defeat an ancient dragon single handed at player level 3 without even breaking a sweat.

So I've been very inactive on cp for a while. I had a dream where a bunch of you guys were worried about why and in the likely case that at least one of you is, here's a post.

First of all, I'm not inactive because I have a problem with any of the people on the server, or anything to do with the server itself. I love you guys and the CP community is phenomenal. This is more of a personal reason.

Secondly, I will be coming back soon.

Third, I am not grounded. I'm fifteen and old enough to receive worse punishments. (Taking care of little brother on a sugar high for two hours might be one.)

I love all of you and please don't be worried. See you all soon!

So hypixel won't let me connect for whatever reason.